mental health

A letter to my January 2022 self

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Dear January me,

I know you’re sick right now with covid. Or still trying to recover. Spoiler alert: it’s going to take months before you feel OK again. Just keep pushing through.

I know you’re wondering how 2022 is going to go for you. You think this year is your year. Instead, this year is going to be a rough year. You’re gonna struggle. You’re gonna feel bad (sick) half the time. You’re definitely going to cry.

But — you’ll be alright. You’ll still have good times. You might not do everything you wished you would do, but you’ve still made memories.

You’ll visit your family in Illinois. You’ll feel bad, and won’t find out why till later, but you’ll still have a fun time.

In April, you’re going to burn your hand at work. You will cry a little bit, but just let your coworker put aloe on your hand and then when you get home you can put Vaseline on it. Makes it stop burning instantly.

During the summer, you’re gonna help Pa with farming. Uncle is supposed to help, but with him sick, you’ll end up doing most of the planting. It’s going to be really hot, and again, you won’t feel well, but you push through. I’m going to cherish the times we’ve helped Pa.

There’s other fun things that you will do with your friends. You’ll go hiking a couple times. The annual strawberry festival is fun as always. You’ll even go twice. You’ll go to Nashville for a day with some of your best friends. You’ll meet interesting people who may or may not stay in your life. Overall, life will still be good.

I’m not going to lie, your love life is going to suck this whole year, but you just need to focus on feeling better. I truly believe that the perfect person is out there for us. We just have to be patient.

I know you’re probably thinking “man, this year is gonna suck,” and honestly, a lot of parts do suck, but there’s a lot of great parts too. It’s just one of those years where we grow. Sometime soon we’ll thrive.

Keep on keeping on.

Love, your December 2022 self

Attempting to Keep Away Seasonal Depression

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Cold weather is coming so you know what that means… seasonal depression.

Which if I am being honest with myself, seasonal depression comes around during any other season as well. This past summer was so miserable that I couldn’t do anything that I normally do outside because of how hot it was so that really sucked.

The past few weeks have been a whole lot better. Even though I have been sick, I have been a whole lot more productive because I haven’t been feeling so down with constant 90 degree weather

With that being said, I want to do some things this new season to try and keep the seasonal depression away.

1. Stop isolating myself.

The biggest thing I do when I feel sad is isolate myself from friends and family. I won’t want to do anything (except play games or watch TV) or really talk to anyone (even via phone). This season I am going to have myself go out and be social at least once a week. I am going to hang out with a friend at least once every 2-3 weeks.

2. Post on YouTube weekly or bi-weekly.

I want to do this because for one, it is one of my favorite hobbies. For two, I want to keep myself busy by being creative. I believe this can help my brain keep going instead of feeling so stuck. When I don’t post on YouTube it usually begins with the reasoning being I’m going through it. Going forward, my YouTube video’s main motive is going to do things that will make me happy. For instance, if it’s a regular vlog, I will choose little things to do that I know will help my mental health such as self care, journaling, cleaning, decluttering, drinking/eating something good, etc. I do also plan to do some workout challenges as well. The first one I am going to do is a two week ab challenge.

3. Write something every day.

I really love writing. I saw this post online that writers should write something every single day. Whether it be for a book you’re writing, in your journal, a letter, a blog post - anything at all. It is a good way to keep your creativeness flowing.

4. Get some morning air.

I read somewhere that the morning sun/air is the best for you than any other time of day. One thing I do like about the cold season is how the cold air wakes me up in the morning. On some mornings I am not running late, I am going to sit outside for about 5 minutes and just reflect.

5. Workout regularly.

I have been working out 2-3 times a week. I want to start working out 4-5 times a week while having active rest days. I hope to start going to the gym more often after work while also doing some workouts at home.

6. Keep a journal.

I don’t write out my feelings enough. I definitely need to do it more. Journaling is one of those things I’ll think about often, but for some reason never do. I am going to try to put into my morning and/or night routine at least every other day.

7. Get enough vitamin D.

This cold season I am definitely taking/drinking vitamin D regularly. This past November through January I was hit with a whole lot of dizziness, shakiness, nausea, and just to the point of almost passing out. Turns out, I had low vitamin D. After I got it straightened out, I didn’t have dizzy spells like that again. I try to still take vitamin D even in the summer, but I have been slacking here lately. I heard that vitamin D can have a whole lot to do with depression as well. A vitamin D a day helps keep the depression away.

8. Keep a schedule.

Lastly, I have noticed that when I don’t keep a schedule, especially a productive schedule, my life seems to spiral sometimes. I seem to be more productive in the morning time so I plan to take extra time in the morning to work on something creative - even if it’s only for 15 minutes. I am going to schedule in everything I talked about previously to try to keep most of it a daily occurrence.

Well, that’s it. Above are 8 ways I am going to try to keep the seasonal depression away this year. Do you have anything else to add? What are some of your favorite ways to keep yourself out of a funk?

7 things I do for therapy

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Therapy is expensive.

Very expensive. To the point where one of my favorite things about college was getting the free therapy because I learned after I graduated therapy is expensive.

I am not a professional and this does not work for everybody. Half the time it doesn’t work for me because it takes consistency which is something I don’t always have.

If you think this blog is about how to afford therapy, I would click off right now because this blog post is about making my own therapy.

Mental health is something I have struggled with since my freshman year in high school. I spent years and years not really taking care of myself. Letting my intrusive thoughts win. I felt like I didn’t have anyone in my corner that could understand — that I could voice my thoughts to. Sometimes I still don’t but that’s beside the point.

Now I can manage my mental health better. While therapy was great while I could do it, it is expensive so I’ve had to rely on myself to keep myself out of the dark hole.

I want to share some of the things that help me in case it helps someone else.

Again I am not a professional and if you can get therapy I would try that too.

Before I start listing, I do want to say that in order for these to help, you have to actually do them consistently. Some of you may be thinking well duh, but for me this is harder than I thought.

Journal

Getting your thoughts on paper can help it not fester inside you so much. This could be about your thoughts, feelings, opinions. Sometimes I will even look up a writing prompt. I might make a blog later about mental health journal prompts.

Workout

Here lately I have been slacking on working out because of a change in my work schedule, but I want to get back into it regularly. My goal is to workout at least 4 days a week, but on the days I don’t workout, I still want an active rest by getting at least 8k steps in.

Plan to do things you love

Sounds so simple but sometimes it can be so hard. Especially when you’re in that depressed state, but sometimes you need to make yourself do things that you don’t want to do.

Reflect while in nature

Here lately I have gotten into the habit of sitting out on my porch super early in the morning (like before 6 am), and just taking everything in. This is also a good time to meditate or journal.

Tidy your living space

I have learned that my mental health is worse when my living space is messy. That could just be a virgo thing. If it’s hard for you to clean your whole space, but focus on a small part of it then focus on a different part the next day.

Have a morning and night routine

I feel like I am more put together when I have a morning and night routine. I am still working out the kinks of it, but so far my routine has brushing teeth and face, reading or journaling, meditating, and I have recently been trying to get into the habit of using a facial stone.

Do your hobbies (or figure out what your hobby is)

Before you say watching tv or getting on TikTok is your hobby, I want to advise doing a more active hobby. Personally, watching tv or TikTok all day makes me feel worse because it is an activity that my brain can kind of shut off for. A couple of my favorite hobbies is reading, hiking, video gaming, playing a sport, and dancing. Other hobbies could be painting, knitting, gardening, cooking, volunteering, skydiving, zip lining, rock climbing – anything that makes you happy. Don’t know what your hobby is? Keep trying different things until you find it.

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June Goals 2022

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  • Read 3 books
  • Blog at least once a week
  • Post on YouTube at least 4 times
  • Write for book consistently
  • Write for Tumblr consistently
  • Get tanner
  • Get out of comfort zone
  • Work on mental health

I have read more books this year and last year than I have read all throughout college. I am so glad to get back into reading. My goal for this month is 3 books. My normal these past few months have been 2 books, but I want to try to push myself. Plus this past month I have been making a plan on how to finish the book I am reading by a certain time. I have a goal this year to read 22 books. I have read 12 books so far so I may extend my reading goal.

I am really wanting to blog more than just my monthly goals and recaps and the books I read each month. I have been really thinking about what more content I want to do – which I will explain in my next blog post. I plan to blog at least once a week.

I may not blog as much as I want to, but for the past year and a half, I have been posting on my YouTube channel a lot more. My goal for this year is to post 24 vlogs before December (as December is for vlogmas). I have posted 10 videos so far this year. I want to try to post once a week, but if not, then at least once every 2 weeks.

I also really find joy in writing, but I do not make enough time for it. I want to write consistently for the book I am writing and some things on Tumblr as well. I have gotten into the habit of at least writing one idea down a day for either one, but I want to be actually writing for both. My main problem is that I don’t want to write bad writing, but I know I need to just write now and edit them later. I keep wanting them to be perfect the first go around.

A random goal that I have for this month is to get tanner. I feel better about the way I look when my skin is a little tanner. I get so white during the winter time. I lose what little tan I get during the summer. I want to try to get more than this summer than ever before. I am going to try to get outside every day in the sun for at least 30 minutes. I have not been consistent with this, especially since I have not been feeling well, but I am going to make more of an effort for the rest of the month.

This month I really want to try to get out of my comfort zone. What I mean by this is if I would rather stay home than go do something – I want to make myself go do the thing. Most of the time when I do this, I end up having a really great time, but sometimes I get so stuck in the comfort of being at home, I don’t want to go out and have fun.

Last but not least, this whole year I have been trying to work on my mental health. Due to my health issues these last few months, it has been rough. This month, however, I plan to journal more, meditate, exercise, be more mindful of my mind and surroundings, and do more things that make me happy. You would think this would all be easy, but sometimes it is hard to do anything.

Do you have any goals for this month? What are they? Tell me in the comments.

Weekend Wrap-Up #4

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My mental health was suffering these past few weeks, but things are starting to slightly look up again. Here’s some of the thoughts I’ve had the past two weeks.

  • These next few months, I want to focus on losing inner thigh fat and slight arm fat. I’ve found some workouts to do that. I may write a blog about results in the future.
  • I had to take a mental health day and that is ok.
  • I did something I’ve never done before and that was round up cows. Luckily, it was really easy to do. They went right back in the fence.
  • This past week is when we were supposed to start planing crops on the farm, but we are having to wait due to rain. Hopefully we’ll be able to the first of May!
  • I was supposed to meet up with a friend, but she had some issues she had to take care of so I had a drink alone at the bar. I did go on a walk afterward. The sun felt really nice. I am so ready for summer.
  • Next week I have an appointment with a doctor and hopefully will be given some medicine for allergies. Some people I know have said that they have been given a shot and felt a lot better within a few hours. I really hope that’s what happens to me. It’s mostly my ears that bother me, but today I had a really sick stomach. I think it was caused by drainage (on an empty stomach).
  • I’ve been reading Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas. I don’t know why, but it hasn’t caught my attention like I thought it would. I do like it but everything seems to drag by. I don’t know if it is just this book or if I am just in a reading slump. All I know is I need to finish it within the next week because that is when my book loan ends. I am not even half way through!

Daily & Weekly Self-Care Ideas

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I am a virgo, and a huge fan of lists. Lists help me get things done. Without them, I would never know what I am supposed to be doing. My memory is so bad that I need them on the daily. I have noticed here lately that I have severely been slacking on my self-care. Today I decided to construct a list of daily self-care ideas to follow.

  • Meditate
  • Take vitamins
  • Drink (at least) 32 oz of water
  • Read one chapter of a book
  • Tidy up living space
  • Use sugar scrub / moisturize
  • Wash face
  • Do something creative
  • Eat 3x a day
  • Stretch

I have been so bad about not doing any of these. I know doing these can help my mental health, and I hope it does. I want to try to do these for a month straight and then give an update about how it has helped me or not. My main priority for 2022 is going to be self-care. I have neglected myself for so long, I need to put myself as a priority. I also have some weekly self-care things that I want to do.

  • Unsubscribe to junk mail
  • Hair / face mask
  • Dance party
  • Journal
  • Write in gratitude journal
  • Write in manifestation journal

My Favorite Christmas Tradition

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Today I have been feeling really sentimental. I was going through some pictures when I found some from when I was about seven or eight at my birthday party. One picture that really brought tears to my eyes were one that had my Nana and I in it… She died almost 12 years ago, but I still miss her just as much as I did back then.

When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to write for Blogmas day 4, I saw this prompt and immediately thoughts about my nana and my Pa (whom is still alive).

My favorite Christmas tradition is Christmas at their house on Christmas Eve. Every Christmas Eve without fail (at least that I can remember). My aunts, uncles, their children, and their children’s children all gather and my Pa’s house to eat and open gifts. The children all received gifts and the adults play dirty Santa. I love it now, but I loved it even more when my Nana was still alive. She had always been the glue that held this family together.

She knew how to keep everyone from fighting.

But I still look forward to Christmas Eve. After having Christmas Eve with my Pa, I would stay the night at my mom’s house. We bake Christmas cookies and drink milk. When I was younger we would leave some out for Santa. Even now I get up excited for Christmas Day. Christmas is my favorite time of year.

How I try to get through my seasonal depression

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For me, this is the best and worst time of the year. I love Christmas, but I hate how the weather and holidays can make my mood worse. This year I have really trying to take care of my mental health, and while it is still a work in progress, I do have some things I try to do to get out of the slump I am in.

Sing out loud to music

One way I know that I am not feeling the best is when I am not singing out loud to the radio. Here lately I have made a point to have a sing outlaid dance party whenever I am feeling down. “I Am Woman” by Emmy Meli has proven to lift my spirits. That, and “I’m Still Standing” by Elton John.

Meditation

I have to confess that I have been slacking on meditating, but honestly, my headspace is always better when I am consistently meditating. A lot of times I meditate with using a video, but sometimes I just meditate with some affirmations I need to hear in that moment. My most used ones are I am worthy, I am loved, I am more than enough.

DO MY SKIN ROUTINE

I swear just doing my simple skin routine can sometimes make me feel so much better. I have a bad habit, thought, when I feel too crappy and I don’t do it even though I know it would help. It’s weird how we do that. Don’t do something even though we know it could help us.

Socialize in person

I tend to isolate myself when I feel myself slipping into a depression. Sometimes it’s really hard for me to stop doing that. I may not can socialize for too long, but a little bit is way better than nothing.

Exercise

This is the main thing that I think helps me. It especially helps me with anxiety. It has actually been scientifically proven that exercising can help with mental illness. For me, working up a sweat can make me happy actually.

Read

Sometimes it helps to escape to another world for a little while.

December goals

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Hello everyone! It has been a while since I have posted on here. I’ve mostly been on Tumblr BUT for this December, I have decided to do blogmas!! I don’t know if there are official rules for blogmas, like having to only post Christmas things, but I am not going to do that. I am, however, going to post for at least 25 days in a roll. With that being said, it is only write to start out with my December goals. The last monthly goals for this year.

  • Do at least 2 weeks of vlogmas (click here for YouTube channel)
  • Do at least 2 weeks of blogmas
  • Finish reading 4 books to meet Goodreads goal (click here)
  • Write 2 chapters for book
  • Practice self-care each week
  • Meditate more
  • Buy Christmas gifts
  • Donate
  • Make New Year Resolutions
  • Celebrate Christmas
  • Eat Christmas cookies
  • Reorganize house / declutter
  • Plan ways to help mental health
  • Manage all social media
  • Complete booty and ab challenge

July goals [2021]

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The months are going by like a blur. This month I want to try to be more present. That way I might get everything done. Here are my goals for this month.

  • Read 2 books
  • Walk a total of 30 miles
  • Start simplified challenge
  • Practice writing (write 10 more pages)
  • Drink more water
  • Start running
  • Push up challenge
  • Go hiking
  • Hang out with friends
  • Take time to meditate
  • Post 2 YouTube videos
  • Post 4 blogs

Letter to Myself

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Kelli,

You are more than enough. I know you are not told that often, but I swear you are. You bring a light to more people’s lives than you let yourself believe you do.

You are not perfect, but that is what makes you so real and interesting. You laugh often. You are honest. You are kind. You are caring. You try to not to judge. You are a motivator.

You have cute freckles and laugh lines around your eyes. You’re passionate about working out. You love your pets and best friends. Family, too.

You are the main character in your own story.

You don’t have everything [or really anything] figured out, and that’s OK.

Every single day you are just trying to be a better person than you were the day before.

Lastly, you are important. You are worthy. You are everything you sometimes think you’re not. You matter. There are people in this world that would miss your presence if you were gone.

Keep surviving until you are living.

I love you.

Love, Kelli

Different Techniques I Have Been Trying | Mental Health Monday

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These past few months have been rough for me – which is why I was absent for a while. I felt like I was in a hole that I could not climb out of.

I slept. A lot. I would either wake up, go to the gym or work then come home and get back in bed. It was a very depressing cycle.

It got to the point where even my friends started noticing something was wrong with me. Always asking if I was OK, and if they could do anything to help; in which I always replied no.

The thing about depression is a lot of times the person who has it does not know why they have it. To my knowledge, there was not something that triggered it a few months ago. It just happened. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and sometimes the depression just hits me like a freight train.

But finally – finally – I have been able to pull myself out of the hole I fell into. For the past two weeks, I have been doing quite well actually. I have been trying different techniques that I am going to talk about below.

At the start of the week, I have started writing out what all I want to get done by the end of the week.

On a sticky note, I write everything I want to do through the week. This list will usually include posting YouTube videos and blogs, self-care, finishing a book, movie, or tv show, and things I want to do around the house (such as clean certain areas or plant flowers). I then try to at least mark one of those off my list every day. The days I get the most done is Monday through Wednesday so I try to get as much done on those days as I can.

My best friend has started a rewarding system, and it’s working.

It all started with me wanting to take more pictures. He said that if I took xx amount of photos then he would reward me with a king-sized chocolate bar, which is my weakness. My brain then took that and ran with it. It also helps that my best friend believes in me and motivates me. The second thing we talked about is me posting YouTube videos again. This time the reward would be him coming to visit me. After not posting in so long because I was not motivated to do so, I have posted two videos in a week and a half. My goal is to post one or two videos a week.

I have been getting more fresh air.

After the gym, I have been going to a nearby outside track and walking a couple miles. I think the fresh air really helps clear my head. Fresh air is something I have severely been lacking in the winter. I truly believe in seasonal depression.

I have not been motivated all the time, but I still force myself to start.

The biggest problem I have is starting. Editing a YouTube video sucks, but when I start doing it, I’m focused on finishing it. The same thing with cleaning, reading, writing, exercising. I used to wait for motivation to strike, but now I am just forcing myself to start. That’s when I get motivated; plus my best friend encouraging me helps too. For me, motivation comes after – not before.

Do you have some things that help you stay out of a funk? Stay/get motivated?

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #11

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These are my affirmations & gratitude for August 9 through August 15, 2020.

Affirmations:

  1. I am enough.
  2. I am worthy of real and genuine love.
  3. I deserve rest days.
  4. I am a warrior.
  5. I will motivate myself with gentle encouragement, not criticism.
  6. I am not my thoughts.
  7. I accomplish anything I focus on.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for my dog.
  2. I am grateful to wake up another day.
  3. I am grateful for fictional worlds.
  4. I am grateful for sports.
  5. I am grateful to be self-motivated.
  6. I am grateful for therapy appointments.
  7. I am grateful for energy drinks.

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #10

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There are my affirmations & gratitude for August 2 through August 8, 2020.

Affirmations:

  1. All things are temporary.
  2. I will be productive and energetic all day.
  3. I am allowed to reinvent myself if I don’t like who I am becoming.
  4. I choose to stop apologizing for being me.
  5. I release all criticism.
  6. I am on the right path in life.
  7. I am not my mental illness.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for my fitness journey.
  2. I am grateful for mental strength.
  3. I am grateful for foggy mornings.
  4. I am grateful for sunrises.
  5. I am grateful for my favorite youtubers doing daily vlogs this week/month.
  6. I am grateful for late night calls.
  7. I am grateful for daily affirmations and gratitude.

Finding Motivation Again|Mental Health Monday #6

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2020 has definitely been a weird and long year. The events of the world has changed our lives forever.

I went into 2020 being confident that this year was going to be MY year. My year actually started out with an unusual amount of panic attacks. Honestly, I understood why I was because I was undergoing a lot of stress with my personal life and the fact that I was graduating in a few months with no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

After I graduated, my mental health went further downhill. The only things I did with my days is go to work, go to the gym, and watch Netflix – not necessarily in that order. You would have thought that going to the gym would have improved my mood, but the gym high did not last. I had been coming home and watching Netflix for hours until I went to bed.

Even though I was struggling for six months of the year,  I finally came out of my slump a week ago. Depression is weird. I can go into a depressive episode for no reason, and I can also suddenly come out of one. I told myself that I needed to be more productive, and I finally did something about it.

I’ve started doing a checklist again. I feel so accomplished when I mark something off of my checklist. This past week I have been trying to get at least half of my checklist done before I turn on Netflix. This will typically put my at starting Netflix sometime after five o’clock. Below is an example of what my typical list consists of.IMG_2455.PNG

I’m hoping this motivation stays for at least a little bit. I’m going a week strong.

Wish me luck.

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #7

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There are my affirmations and gratitude for July 12 through July 18, 2020.

Affirmations:

  1. I am ready to succeed.
  2. I deserve respect.
  3. I am limitless.
  4. I am getting stronger each and every workout.
  5. I have all that I need to make today great.
  6. I will conquer today.
  7. My possibilities are endless.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful to be able to tame my temper.
  2. I am grateful for the progress I have made mentaller and physically.
  3. I am grateful for the days I help my Pa in the garden.
  4. I am grateful for @bodybyryanfitness on instagram. He is really inspiring, not to mention nice.
  5. I am grateful for early mornings.
  6. I am grateful for kind people.
  7. I am grateful for lazy mornings.

Consistency is key | My Fitness Journey

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I am extremely proud of myself. I have been consistent with working out these past few months. I have been working out at least three days a week – usually more.

What usually happens is I will go to the gym for about a month, but then I lose motivation to keep going. It’s crazy what kind of excuses I could come up with. This would especially happen if I didn’t have someone to go with me to keep me held accountable.

I am proud to say that this is not the case now. These past few months I have been going to the gym regularly. More often than not, I have even been going to the gym alone. I actually love going to the gym by myself now. I feel more focused. (Still love it when you go though, Tawnie).

This time around, I have focused on doing more strength workouts than anything else. I have noticed I have gained some muscle in the past few months.

My routine at the gym is 10-20 minutes of the elliptical to warm up then I do arms, legs, abs, and shoulders. I try to do some of each, although I typically try to focus more on one each day. I do less legs than the other ones because I have knee problems so those have to be done a little at a time. There are also days I sometimes just focus on cardio.

July 15, 2020

Above is a comparison photo from February 3rd to July 15th of this year. I am happy to notice that there is a physical chance in the photos. As you can see my arms and stomach are a little more defined. I have also noticed a difference in my back and butt too.

One thing I have been struggling with is food intake. I know I am not getting enough or the right macros, but I am trying to change that. Starting today I am going to be tracking my macro intake via the app “Mike’s Macros,” which was recommended by bodybyryanfitness on Instagram.

I am going to try to plan my meals more accordingly in order to get enough protein and other things that I need. I am still trying to figure everything out.

I will try to come back with an update in a few weeks. Remember, consistency is key.

Do you have any advice for me on my food intake, or even advice for muscle gain?

 

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #6

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These weekly affirmations and gratitude have helped me think more positively. Here is my affirmations and gratitude for July 5 through July 11.

Affirmations:

  1. I am kind to others.
  2. I challenge myself to grow.
  3. I will continue to fight my mental illnesses.
  4. I know I am where I am supposed to be, but I also know I am not meant to stay here.
  5.  I am more than my anxiety.
  6. I am working on letting people help me.
  7. I have faith that everything will work out.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for Sunday evenings.
  2. I am grateful for music.
  3. I am grateful for the bad days because they make the good days better.
  4. I am grateful for my cousins that are like sisters.
  5. I am grateful for my work friends that are like family.
  6. I am grateful for downtime after work.
  7. I am grateful for empty gyms.

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #5

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Hello! This is my affirmations and gratitude for June 28 through July 4.

Affirmations:

  1. I am strong-willed.
  2. I accept change well.
  3. When I love, I love with everything.
  4. I deserve to have my dreams come true.
  5. Money constantly flows toward me.
  6. It’s okay to not know everything.
  7. I will acknowledge my own self-worth.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for my nieces and nephew.
  2. I am grateful to be able to work extra shifts.
  3. I am grateful to have friends that care about my well-being.
  4. I am grateful for exfoliating.
  5. I am grateful for my coworker friends.
  6. I am grateful for a raise at work.
  7. I am grateful for kittens.

 

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #4

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This is my week’s worth of affirmations and gratitude for June 21 through June 27.

Affirmations:

  1. I manage my money well.
  2. I manage my anxiety well.
  3. I am making steps to have a better future.
  4. I know my worth.
  5. I am worthy of love.
  6. I am worthy of respect.
  7. I am doing the best I can.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for the journey that made me who I am today.
  2. I am grateful for the people who believe in me.
  3. I am grateful for my grandparents who raised and molded me into the person I am today.
  4. I am grateful for days off of work.
  5. I am grateful to make enough money to pay my bills.
  6. I am grateful for Dodge’s coffee.
  7. I am grateful for my past relationships.

Summer Bucket List 2020

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Lists help me feel more put together than I actually am. I made a summer bucket list, which just consists of things that I want to do before summer is up this year.

Summer 2020 (June 20 – September 22)

  • Have character backgrounds of characters in my book
  • Volunteer more
  • Go hiking
  • Go paddle boating and/or kayaking
  • Save $1500
  • Go on vacation
  • Send people letters
  • Be active on WordPress, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tik Tok
  • Stream on Twitch
  • Finish watching ‘The Originals’
  • Read 3 books
  • Get really tan
  • Be consistent with working out
  • Look in the mirror once a day and say 3-5 things I like about myself
  • Listen to/read self-help
  • Ask for help
  • Celebrate the 4th of July
  • Declutter

Weekly Affirmations & Gratitude #1

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I used to tend to focus on a lot of negative things. Going to counseling has made me realize just how often I talk negatively.

I decided this past week that I wanted to do a daily affirmation and gratitude. Every day I pick one for each and write them on a piece of paper.

At the end of each week I am going to post them on here.

Affirmations:

  1. I am loved.
  2. I am worthy.
  3. I am enough.
  4. My opinions matter.
  5. I am doing my best.
  6. I handle life’s difficulties well.
  7. I am learning to love myself.

Gratitude:

  1. I am grateful for the roof over my head.
  2. I am grateful for being able to eat whenever I want.
  3. I am grateful for my animals.
  4. I am grateful for my friends.
  5. I am grateful for my family.
  6. I am grateful for my job.
  7. I am grateful for being able to graduate college.

What are some things you are grateful for? And what affirmations are your favorite? When I am meditating, I typically use “I am loved, and I am worthy.”

Mental Health Monday #5

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The main thing I struggle with is motivation. My mind is really good at convincing me to not do something even though I know I would regret not doing it later. This happens frequently with schoolwork, getting up early, going out, working out, and meditating. I know these things will make me feel better in the long run, but I still find it hard to get myself to do it.

I did have a good week of self-care. I was pretty consistent with my morning/night routine, being productive, meditating, and even exercising.

This week is my spring break, and I am excited to enjoy my time out of school. I won’t be lazy though! I am mostly going to be working this week so I’ll have a little extra money next paycheck. I do have a ‘Spring Break 2020 Bucket List’ that I will be posting about soon. I am still going to be productive even though I am on a break.

I know that sometimes doing nothing is a form of self-care too. The only thing is that when I do nothing, even for a day, it starts to take a negative toll on my mental health. I need fresh air and positive people at least once in a 12 hour period.

These next couple of months are going to be rough. I am graduating in exactly two months. I am so scared. I am not going to get everything done. I also don’t know what I am going to do after graduation, but I am not as worried about that.

I just hope I stay sane.

I’ll update you on my sanity next Monday.

Mental Health Monday #4

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My mental health has not been good, but I am finally doing something about it. I have come to realize this past week that I do not take care of myself enough. My motivation has been almost nonexistent. I knew what things would help my mental health, but I did not have the willpower to do them.

I have decided that to try and motivate myself this week by vlogging my week of self-care. Self-care comes in many different forms. I picked out a few for this week, and I plan on doing several each day. I am making a YouTube video out of it because I am hoping it will keep me continuing to do some of the same self-care every day. Plus, I haven’t posted a YouTube video in a while.

My plan for this week is to do my morning/night routine, exercise, meditate, mindfully drink coffee, drink more water, take a walk outside, jam to music, and be productive so I won’t be stressed out later.

Today I have done quite a bit of my self-care. I got up early this morning and went to the gym. I meditated afterward. I have drank more water, but not as much as I wanted to. I will get better about it tomorrow. I mindfully drank coffee. It was nice. I was even extremely productive today! I got some schoolwork done, and I got A LOT of my internship work done. Today was actually a down day for me, but I still pushed myself to be better.

The way I feel is not going to change overnight, but I am super excited to see how this week goes. I will, of course, continue doing more self-care in the future, but making a video is certainly a much needed push.

Mental Health Monday #3 (on Wednesday)

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Another week, another mental health Monday. You may have noticed that it is in fact, not Monday, but I was so busy (and tired) on Monday and Tuesday that I forgot all about writing a post.

This past week has been rough. My anxiety has been at an all time high. I’ve had multiple panic attacks (I’m mostly ok now though). This past week was definitely a down week for me. As I said in my last post, I did go to my counselor last Thursday. We concluded that all this happened because of my thoughts, and that is something I can work on.

Essentially, I worry too much.

She did give a few suggestions on how I can help this issue. First of all, we noticed that even when I say something positive I follow up with something negative. For example, I told her a plan how I was going to get everything done that day that I needed to, but I followed up with “well, probably. We’ll see how it goes.” I’m working on just doing what I planned to do. I have a bad habit of losing motivation.

My goal is practice not thinking so much . Overthinking, I mean. My anxiety has been so high because I overthink every little thing. The dialogue in my head is never quiet.

One thing I have not been doing even though my counselor said I should is to not drink coffee or tea. She said other things too, but coffee and tea is the only thing I drink out of what she listed. I have not stopped drinking either one of those. I know they don’t help my anxiety, but I drink one of those every single day.

I’m still trying to exercise and meditate every day because I know it would help, but it’s hard to find the motivation to do either of those.

Does anyone have self-motivation tips? Please tell me.

Also, don’t get me wrong. I do get everything done, but I want to get everything done before the last minute. I hold off doing everything, and I am thinking about it the entire time. You may think that if I worry about it all the time then I could just do it then, but it doesn’t always work that way. I can’t concentrate long enough to get most things done unless I am in a time crunch.

 

Mental Health Monday #2

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I have been super busy this past week, and I feel like this week is going to be even busier. I’m not going to lie – because of how busy and stressed I have been, I’ve had a breakdown or two. I am in my last semester of school, and it is so stressful making sure that I have everything I need to graduate.

On a positive note, I have been sticking with working out! I have worked out 5/7 days this past week. I am super proud of myself, and I hope to keep working out as I know that it makes me feel better about myself. There was a few times that I got up early and went to the gym or just worked out in my room. When I go to the gym, I try to have a list of workouts that I want to do so I won’t get there and be scratching my head on what I want to do next. In my dorm room, I have multiple different websites that I use to do workout videos. There’s beachbody (not free), blogilates (free), YouTube (free), and FitOn (free).

The reason I’m talking about working out so much is because it has helped me so much. As I think I said in my last Mental Health Monday post, I have noticed that exercise and meditation have helped me become happier.

Doing those things aren’t the only thing I have been doing. Since last semester, I have been going to counseling at my health center on campus (so it’s free). I feel like I have made progress. My counselor helps me realize that the thoughts I have are “irrational” – my words, not hers. I actually have a session this Thursday so I will let you know how that goes! My main problem is that I have a negative way of thinking. While I have come a LONG way, I still have a long way to go.

Here are some things I want to work on this week:

1. be more social/get out of my comfort zone

2. work out regularly

3. use less negative language toward myself

4. be more mindful

5. eat healthier

Do you have any goals for this week? How are you going to practice self-care?

 

Mental Health Monday #1

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On Instagram, I follow the hashtag “#Mentalhealthmatters” because I love reading motivational quotes and people’s stories. I was scrolling through my Instagram earlier when I see a guy that had ‘Mental Health Monday #2’ as the start of his caption. (His insta is nickfituk). This post struck me differently than the others. Every Monday he is going to post a blog about mental health, and that is what I decided I wanted to do too. (You should join in on Mental Health Monday also!)

Mental health is a part of everyone. Sometimes it can be good mental health, but then sometimes it can be bad. I’ve dealt with a lot of bad mental health in my life. I don’t always know why it is there. It just shows up in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, I think I am slowly getting out of an episode. I have been more productive and slightly happier these last few weeks. I think I mostly needed a break from school. I was severely isolating myself.

For 2020, my main goal is to take care of myself better. Sometimes I get so frustrated with  myself because I know things that would make me feel better, but I talk myself out of doing them anyway.

Two of the main things that improves my mood is exercise and meditation. Exercising has been a bit more difficult here lately because every time I run, I feel like passing out. I’ve been dealing with a sinus problem since November (and yes, I’ve been to the doctor). There are other workouts that I can still do, I am just still trying to force myself into a routine. I want to start getting up early and working out/meditating.

I am hoping writing this post motivates me to do better. I will update you on if it did or not next Monday!

Journal Entry #1: Better Than I Was, Not as Good as I am Going To Be

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I just want to start by saying that this post could be a TRIGGER to some people. I talk about mental health issues that I’ve had/have.

Past

I’ve had severe problems with my mental health since I was a freshman in high school. For me, high school was the absolute worst. I hated myself. I didn’t want to live. I’m honestly surprised (but also very glad) that I survived. I’m not going to get into major details, but freshman and sophomore year was rough. I went to the school counselor often although I don’t feel as though it always helped. I’ve always had a hard time telling people how I felt and why – especially back then. I would end up telling the counselor that I had some boy drama. Boys certainly did not help the way I felt about myself, but they were not the main reason I felt that way.

My junior and senior year of high school was definitely better, but it was not great. I still struggled a lot, but the friends I had made it more bearable. To those I was close to during those two years, I just want to say thank you. You helped me through so much, and you probably didn’t even know it. I appreciate you. I love you.

Even throughout college, I’ve struggled with loving/accepting/appreciating/caring about myself. I’ve never been diagnosed, but I am pretty sure I’ve been living with depression and anxiety all these years. Some days are definitely better than others.

A message I sent to a friend of my mine today has been stuck in my mind since I’ve been writing this post. It’s a great thing to remember:

“It’s just life. We live. We mess up. We learn. We try again.”

Present Day

Yesterday started out as “meh.” I don’t know how else to describe it. When I’m in that kind of mood I’m just… there. I only do things because I’ve learned to force myself to. I’ve never felt better by just laying in bed all day. And boy do I feel tired of feeling like that.

However, I did sleep in yesterday. Even though I woke up feeling “meh,” I still went to my grandpa’s house. I ate food, and then played video games with my cousin for hours – which did not help my mental state. I felt even more “meh.”

But it got better.

I became more productive. I went home. I took a shower. (Showers usually help a great deal.) I made several tik toks (@ kelliyoung42). I wrote in my journal. I even watched a really good movie called The Backup Plan.

Today was even better. I woke up early to go eat breakfast with my grandpa and my cousin. My pa makes THE BEST chocolate gravy. I went home a couple hours later. I actually started my laundry (and finished it). I went to help my dog get unstuck from which his chain latched onto a tree root. Don’t worry, a couple hours later that tree root was cut out so he can’t get caught anymore. I even ended up cleaning my room up quite a bit. This was all before it was even 1:30 p.m. It was then that I went to work until 10.

I’m very proud of my productive day. Being productive makes me feel accomplished, and like I’m doing something right. I’m hoping I will have this motivation for a little bit longer. Wish me luck.

Future

I don’t know what my future holds, but I am pretty sure that I will always have mental health issues. I know I should be diagnosed, but I’m scared. I’ve been told multiple times in my life that it was just a phase, and that I would snap out of it. I’m not snapping out of it. I’ve learned how to deal with it better, but you can’t just snap your fingers or turn a certain age for it to go away.

But I am proud of how far I am come. How much I have grown as a person.

I am way better than I was, but I also know I’m not as good as I am going to be. That thought makes me happy. This period of my life is not going to be the best time of my life.

Better times are coming. You just have to keep living to get there.